Christmas and other annoying holidays

So, this holiday that everyone loves is my least favorite of them all.  It used to be fun when we were kids, right?  Presents, Santa – it really was the most wonderful time of the year. 

This year, I feel forced to attend family get-togethers and I feel guilty because I didn’t have enough money to buy presents this year.  I am starting to wonder if I should try to handmake things for each of tomorrow’s party guests this evening or if I should just put on a smile and pretend like it’s no big deal.

I remember the first time Christmas as evil surfaced in my writing.  It was in Deanna’s story so long ago – I wrote about a dry Christmas that just so happens to be the family tradition and I interspersed daydreams about similar events at Deanna’s house with a much more real and emotional texture.  I was so happy in my daydreams,

In the spirit of AdVerbatims

“KGUN will post the ad on their website. I told them I would give them the avi file on tape.”

Marketing Specialist to Designer

I :heart: AdVerbatims

Things I will Never do

One of the things I will never do is to ignore someone with an opposing point of view.  In an arguement I will even give that person the benefit of the doubt, especially if they know as much or more about the subject than I do.  Expertise should dictate correctness, not position.

When discussing something I will learn to keep going until a resolution is achieved rather than simply tuning the other person out after we’ve reached a verdict that pleases me.  If we need to pause the conversation because of anger or other emotions, I will say so to the other person’s face.  Something like “I’m frustrated because I think I’m right.  I want to discuss this in a fair way, so can we both take a five minute chill out time?”

So many times after saying something to me people I have lived with and even people I work with simply tune me out by beginning to read the document in front of them out loud or read aloud as they type.  I don’t believe that status dictates correctness.

When I am a parent talking to my child, just because I’m older doesn’t always mean I’m right.  My experiences might make me a little closer to ‘right’ than the child but sometimes I won’t be right.  I’m going to admit it and we’re going to discuss things fairly.  I will always listen actively as much as I can and never just assume I am right.  I always want to listen and respond to the other side of the story.  It’s always good to have many points of view.

Those little changes

Ever have one of those little changes in your life that cause you to see everything you do in a different light?  Sean Covey would call it a paridigm shift.  I call it a little bit of light.

I know a secret that no one else knows.  Even if they do know it’s now no more than a mere guess.  I have given no overt and obvious information pertaining to my secret and I am not yet sure if I wish to share it.  If I share it I don’t know whom I should share it with and who it would be best to keep it from.  The secret is changing everything I do.  I can’t concentrate on any task in front of me.  Though at one time each of these tasks was engaging, they no longer seem important.  In the light of my larger dilemma and development everything seems more clear as mud in the sense of my enlightenment that it’s all just a game and that none of it is real.  None of it is as real as the change I am facing at this very moment.

The constant nature of my perpetuating secret forces me to think about it all the time.  Everything I say and do and hear is tinted with a slight shade of gray.  These things are all gray compared with the colorful change and shift in my life.  Colorful or simply made of black and red.  Now I can’t decide which it is.  It’s so wonderful and my creative side accepts it and colors it right before my eyes.  My logical side squelches it and paints it in splatters of black and blood.

Everything I do is no longer as important as this one thing which I must do.

When one is presented with two choices or paths to take, many assume one is the ‘right’ and one is the ‘wrong.’  Choosing the right answer makes you a good person, while choosing the wrong answer makes you a horror and a disgrace.  In my case, it seems neither path is correct.